My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
