spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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