Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
