i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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