thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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