Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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