The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
