Just fell off a train. Bad.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I had to cum in my sink.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
