eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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