It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
