My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just tell him i said nine months
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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