i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
