My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
