Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
