are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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