Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
