I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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