My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
