I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
