Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
