you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
