even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
