i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
