I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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