i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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