my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
