wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
