hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
