We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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