last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
where are my eyebrows?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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