i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
