We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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