does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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