4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
