My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
