one might say we're banned from that church
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
