How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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