she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
