After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
