Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
