have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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