actually, I'm a sock model
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
