Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
