Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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