im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
