How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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