My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
