He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
