Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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