your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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