so that wasnt chicken after all
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
