this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
