just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
