You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
