You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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