Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
